How the Hell Did We End Up Here? America’s Religious Trap Forces Rational People to Rely on Satanism for Basic Rights

By: The Zeitgeist Editorial Team

Let’s just take a moment and let this sink in: In 2024, if you’re a rational person who values science, bodily autonomy, and basic human dignity, you’re forced to join a religion—a Satanic one, at that—just to access an abortion. Not because you believe in any of this religious crap, but because, thanks to America’s theocratic nightmare, it’s one of the only ways to skirt the restrictive, archaic laws set by a Christian fundamentalist regime.

That's right, Satan—the devil, Lucifer, the fallen angel of rebellion—has become the last great hope for women and birthing people in the U.S. to access a simple medical procedure. If that doesn’t make your blood boil with disgust at the absolute mess religious zealots have made of this country, then congratulations: you’re part of the problem. The Satanic Temple (TST), of all things, has now taken up the mantle of protecting abortion rights under the guise of religious freedom. Because apparently, reason and logic alone aren't enough to convince the powers that be that women and birthing people should control their own goddamn bodies.

America, you have officially lost your fucking mind.

The Satanic Temple—yes, the group that trolls religious nut jobs by offering statues of Baphomet to sit alongside Ten Commandments monuments—has launched multiple telehealth abortion clinics, cleverly exploiting the very same religious freedoms that Christian extremists have been abusing for decades. Let’s be clear: this is not about converting people to some form of Satan worship. This is about using religion—mocking it, really—to highlight just how ludicrous it is that religious groups still control the conversation around reproductive health.

In a press release that reads like a satirical punchline, The Satanic Temple announced its latest initiative: free, online access to abortion medication for those willing to perform their so-called “abortion ritual.” Yes, it’s a ritual, because only through the protective cloak of religion can women and birthing people fight the suffocating grip of religious tyranny. You know what? Kudos to TST for trolling the system with the same fervor religious zealots have used to keep us all in chains. The clinic even operates under names like “Samuel Alito’s Mom’s Satanic Abortion Clinic”—a beautifully vicious middle finger to the conservative justices who decided they know better than women and birthing people about what’s right for their bodies​(TST_Telehealth_Clinic_P…).

Let’s pause for a second. Why are we living in a world where people seeking abortions have to claim some religious justification to exercise their own free will? This isn’t just dystopian. This is beyond Orwell. This is a grotesque, religiously-induced fever dream where you have to invoke Satan just to get access to healthcare. And, in case you’re still wondering—this is the reality we’ve built through decades of letting religious fanatics dictate public policy.

Birthing people, and women—those of us fighting tooth and nail for bodily autonomy—have been pushed into a corner. Want an abortion? Nope, sorry, you’ll need to invoke the name of Satan and perform a “destruction ritual” if you want to bypass the legislative torture designed by religious extremists. The Satanic Temple’s health clinics, like the one launched in New Mexico, offer a lifeline to people desperate for control over their own bodies. They’ll connect you with telehealth professionals, ship your abortion medication discreetly, and help you escape the suffocating religious laws these people have imposed on you. And in a country that values the religious over the rational, it’s darkly poetic that Satanism has become the last bastion of freedom.

Meanwhile, Christian fundamentalists will scream about morality and “preserving life,” but where is that concern for life when women are forced into dangerous situations, stripped of their rights, and subjected to indignities simply because they dare want control over their own bodies? These theocratic lunatics don’t give a flying fuck about women or birthing people. All they care about is controlling bodies—controlling lives. And let’s not forget that these are the same zealots who tried to legislate away the rights of trans people, who vilify LGBTQ+ communities, and who are responsible for the erasure of bodily autonomy in this country. It’s never been about life; it’s about control.

And now, the Satanic Temple, through clinics like “Right to Your Life Satanic Abortion Clinic,” offers a way out. They’ve weaponized religious exemptions—the same ones used to enforce abstinence-only education, anti-LGBTQ+ laws, and restrictive abortion bans. This time, though, it’s turned on its head: The Satanic Temple argues that their abortion ritual is a religious right under the First Amendment and various Religious Freedom Restoration Acts. And guess what? They’re right. These protections, which once helped conservative Christians weasel their way into our uteruses, are now being used to protect us from them.

Does this make me furious? You bet. The fact that people have to invoke any religion—Satanic, Christian, or otherwise—to get the healthcare they need is a testament to how broken this country is. Progress should look like universal healthcare, not an eternal battle of religious exemptions. And here’s the kicker: Satanism, with all its cheeky snark and in-your-face rejection of tyrannical authority, seems to be the only “religion” out there willing to fight for the autonomy of people. Funny, isn’t it? Satanists, who don’t even believe in God or Satan, are now on the frontlines defending the rights of women and trans folks from a religiously driven legal assault.

Meanwhile, those who scream about “family values” and “morality” have no problem with women bleeding out in their bathrooms after failed back-alley abortions. There is no sympathy, no compassion, no empathy for the people they claim to protect. They’d rather see a person die than grant them the dignity of choice. They have no interest in helping people—they want obedience, control, and dominance over bodies they have no right to govern.

America, where the fuck are your priorities?

Religious dogma has become the ultimate legislative tool of the oppressor. And now, we live in a world where the only way to navigate this hellscape of oppression is by invoking Satan. Progress, my friends, isn’t having to rely on religion—progress is women and birthing people reclaiming their autonomy and fighting back against this oppressive system. If the Satanic Temple is what it takes to protect our rights, then so be it. But let’s not forget: This is a fight we shouldn’t even have to wage.

It’s time to burn this system down. And the Satanic Temple’s health clinics? They’re lighting the match.

—The Zeitgeist